Six Things We Learned - Micah's Death

These six things became revelation knowledge to my family during the tragic loss of our son Micah in 1999.  I trust these lessons will be of some comfort in knowing and experiencing the awesomeness of our God.

I.  “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not unto your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct your paths” – If we were ever going to trust God’s decisions, we needed to trust him now.  His decision to take Micah home would not have been even a multiple choice for me, but God did not consult us before Micah’s departure.  We must trust our loved ones and friends to the sovereignty of God Almighty and not even question his wisdom.

II.  “All things work together for the Good of those of love God and are called according to HIS purpose”-  When I see what all God has done through Micah’s death, it causes me to stand in awe of HIS greatness and amazing way of taking something so horrific to the natural mind and causing so much good from it; even in the midst of so much pain and heart ache.  Many lives have been renewed in their faith, homes and marriages restored and doors opened for the gospel from this life.  John 12 23-26 is true - and Jesus said, “Truly, truly I say unto you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.  He who loves his life loses it; and he who hates his life in this world shall keep it to life eternal.  If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there shall My servant be also be; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.”  

III. “His Grace is sufficient for us and HIS strength is made perfect in our weaknesses”- This was a direct impact on my ship, much like the Titanic connecting with the iceberg, I was knocked down on the deck.  It is amazing how the prayers of the people, them sharing the burden of the loss of this life with you will sustain you and preclude one from falling into the depths of grief, depression and self-pity, God is truly our refuge.

IV.  “Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be known unto God and the peace of God that passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ” – If we ever needed peace, now was our appointed time.  God’s Supernatural Peace permeated our home, the visitation at the funeral home, our entire family, friends, the church and the gravesite.  God’s unquestionable peace stilled the troubled waters of our souls.

V.  “Never Say What If” - When we were on our way to the wreck site when the Alabama State Trooper helicopter found Micah’s jeep, my wife and I were riding together.  I was very quiet thinking about all of my next 20 steps and what was going to be required out of me and she softly said, “John, we have been married for 27 years and 24 of those we have been faithfully walking with HIM, he will see us through all of this.  There was a pause and she said this, “lets make each other a promise right now before we get to the wreck and as we walk through all of this, let’s never say what if? These two words were revelation to us for these small words have been the most powerful of all in our walk through this endeavor.  These two words have kept us from questioning the sovereignty of God, HIS wisdom, HIS direction and have protected us from falling into deep grief and self-pity.  Never Say What If?

VI.  “Have No Unfinished Business - Owe no man nothing but to love him” – As I sat on our sofa about 25 minutes after leaving the wreck site, friends were pouring in the house and I was pondering everything.  The thought occurred to me as I sat on that sofa with my family and I blurted out to those with us there, “you know what is so good about all of this, we had no unfinished business.”  I realized that Micah owed no man anything but to Love them, he had no unfinished business.  Around our house and I hope it is like this around your house, we only say I love you to each other only about 250 times a day, even our African Grey Parrot will say “Love Y’all” when we go our the door in the morning.  Even when Micah hung up the phone from his friends he would say, “I love you.”  Please do not let the sun go down on your anger; it will only defile you and those around you.  Owe no man anything, but to Love them.

My Daughter’s Wedding - Epiphany In The Aisle

My Daughter’s Wedding

Epiphany In The Aisle

John W. Giles

9-18-2010

Time To Go Baby

I have been compelled for some time to commit to paper the personal experience I had in and through the wedding of my daughter on October 18, 1997.  When it is right, it is right and to witness first hand God’s blessing and anointing is at a minimum; rich.  This account is a bit limited because it is through the eyes of the bride’s father.  I hope you enjoy it.

At the outset and setting the stage a little, it is evident that Christians view marriage as a biblical sacrament and one does want God’s perfect will for their children and in the selection of their spouses.  You want them to only date someone they would marry.  You certainly do not want another story of despair, dysfunction and figuratively speaking human body parts strewn around as a bi-product of divorce.

From a fathers view let me add that I was assigned a key role in all of this.  Please understand this is not about me; however a father does play a colossal role and it turns out, I was probably one of the greatest benefactors from this day we all awaited.

That being said, I want to get my part out of the way so you might get to the heart of this wonderful story.  At an early age, one night I purposely and quietly slipped in by my daughters baby crib, which was in our bedroom, knelt down and began to pray over this new baby girl.  It was a sobering reality that she had been entrusted to me, given to me by Almighty God and I needed to exercise stewardship over this new addition to our flock.  She was a gift from heaven and she was our first.  I could not believe the gravity of responsibility that was gripping my heart with the unmistakable responsibility to protect, provide for and raise this baby girl in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  She was indeed a gift from heaven.  I remember that night as if it was right now when I prayed.  

My prayer went something like this and certainly not verbatim.  Lord, thank you for this beautiful baby girl.  I am so thankful and grateful you trusted me to watch over her like a shepherd watching over a baby lamb.  Help me oh Lord in all of my frailty and inadequacies to care for this gift; teach me oh Lord to be a father like you are.  Let my hands bring healing when there is hurt and wholeness in restoring her from life’s bumps.  But tonight Lord, my special prayer is her spouse.  More than likely, her spouse has been born somewhere in this world and I want to pray for him tonight.  I would ask that you protect him and help his parents to raise him in the nurture and admonition in the Lord.  Help him to grow up to be a man of great character and give him the gift to nurture and protect my dear daughter and they would have a Christ centered home, equally yoked and divorce was not to be in their vocabulary.

Her mother picked the name Xavier, which we thought from the name book was a mid evil Mediterranean name.  In fact, later in life we learned this name originated from the renowned Saint Francis Xavier, who was a missionary that established Christianity throughout India.  Some of the spell renderings of this 15^th century saint’s name were Javier or Xavier.  Well about the only in put I had on her name was she was not going to have a name beginning with an X; no way.  So after many hours of a verbal tennis match with Deborah we compromised with a her named spelled with a Z.  Zavier, well this name seemed to have it’s tail cut off so we named her Zaviera and we call her Zavie.  I call her Zav.  Now I did have influence over her middle name, which was a family name on Deborah’s mothers side; Mendenhall.  So her name is Zaviera Mendenhall Giles.  She was and is a beautiful red head, strong spirit and fearless.

Well if I don’t catch myself right here, this will become a biography, so let me fast forward this story to her dating years.  We always stressed to Zav that she was not to be unequally yoked in marriage and that we were only doing this one time so it needed to be right.  None of the guys, I mean none of them ever showed up on our radar.  The only one who ever made it on the screen was the only one who got on the approval list.  Mr. Right was David William George. He came from a devoted Christian family where the mother and father had been married all these years and they too wanted a bride for their son who was from a Christian family.  David met and exceeded our expectations; I have told him and his parents this many times over.  Zavie was in shock after her first date that we liked him, we liked him a lot.  Now Zavie always nick named me PG for Prison Guard or CB for Corn Ball. So for us to like and approve this young man stunned her, yet it liberated her to begin this journey.

Mr. & Mrs. David Geore

I was forewarned that David was going to approach me on the bus to or from Promise Keepers, which was being held in New Orleans. He waited till the last leg of the trip and he found his way in the seat next to me.  He was so well prepared; it was like giving the perfect book report.  Zavie had briefed him on all of the hot button issues and he did a masterful job.  Now I did purposely lower the intimidation jumping bar for him; you know dads can be very challenging if they so choose.  He sailed through it and I said David, you meet and exceed our expectations and I told him about the crib side prayer.  I said there are three conditions though; one you get pre-marital counseling.  Secondly, I wanted him to go through a Christian financial course and learn to budget and save his money.  Thirdly, I told him if she wants to work outside the home that is their decision, but if she ever wanted to come home I wanted him to be prepared and provide a living.  To this day, he has met that criteria and has been a great protector and provider for their home.  Oh yea, I almost forgot, I told David Zavie was very moody and when I give her hand to you in front of the church that was it, she belonged to him and that he would never divorce her.  He was not bringing her back when the new wore off.  

Father, Bride & Micah

At the rehearsal dinner one episode sticks in our all of our minds and it was captured on video.  Our son Micah, who was killed in a car wreck in 1999, stood up as people were speaking good will and blessings over this couple.  He said something to the affect that he knew this was God’s will, he looked forward to having another brother in David along with some other gestures.  Then he broke down and with great emotion and said, I look forward to seeing your children one day.  We all felt his emotion and there was not one present who was not moved by his humility and passion. Little did he or any of us know that Micah did not make it to see Zavie’s first child, Gracie’s birth.  In fact, Zavie was due the day the State Troopers found Micah’s jeep wrecked under a bridge on I-65.  Gracie was born exactly 7 days later.

Well the beautiful moment was here.  Zavie wanted to use First Baptist Church so we rented it for the wedding.  Of course there are so many things going on at the moment, but let’s get to the focus of this paper.  With all of the in kind contributions from friends, we had a $30,000.00 wedding for $15,000.00.  I recall going in the bathroom right before the wedding started; looking at my self in the mirror and I whispered this out loud.  I remember saying this is the very best $15,000.00 I would ever spend.  I felt so good about every dollar we spent for this milestone in our life.  The wedding was a royal and glorious event.

Well it was time for me to take the bride down the aisle. The church was filled with the majesty of a pipe organ and trumpet (she chose Trumpet Volunteer as the entrance song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lTTWraugCI). It was grandiose; it was so right and as we passed through the threshold of the bi-fold doors entering the sanctuary, here in all of this bouquet of flowers, beautifully dressed court and surrounded by family and friends waiting for the bride.  This all sounds like scripture being played out and then it hit me in the aisle. There was such a heavy anointing in the sanctuary and as I escorted this most beautiful bride down the aisle, the unfolding typology from scripture was permeating my spirit.  Here is what I saw as this sacrament of Holy Matrimony was happening in real time.

I was reminded that the Bride of Christ was without spot or wrinkle; Zavie was absolutely gorgeous in this beautiful wedding gown that was spotless and without wrinkle.  She was pure as she had preserved herself until marriage.  Scripture culminates all those years of preparation for the bride of Christ to meet her groom at the second coming of Christ.  I saw her life flash before me; her mother and I in all our human shortcomings like all parents had worked all these years preparing her for this day and now we were here; thrust it seemed all of the sudden in this aisle that was going to change everything.  And it came to me; here in all of this grandeur, royalty and purity; who was I to be worthy enough to escort this bride to adjoin her groom;  I felt so unworthy, humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude to be chosen as the only one on earth to escort this angelic host to the alter of the Most High.  Words are simply inadequate to express the explosion of emotions in my soul.  My eyes began to blur as the tears of gratitude, thanksgiving and joy began to flow.  Sometimes tears pooling can communicate volumes.  I wanted to slow down even more going down this aisle; this moment is one you would like to savor and freeze frame so you can spiritually digest all that is rushing through your soul.  Even now I find it difficult to put in words those feelings. 

If marriage is really a divine sacrament and it is, I guess what was happening to me was happening to all whom had joined together on that day in this sacred hall.  We were all actors in this biblical scene being played out and the Holy Spirit which was so thick was transforming us all as we witnessed the miracle of marriage.  We always viewed family as a priority second only in line to our devotion to the King of Kings.  Later in life in the teachings of the Catholic Church, we learn that marriage and family are our vocation.  As a vocation, we work hard at it everyday and our number one job is to care for and love our family and make sure they all go to heaven; everything else is a lower priority.

Father Unveils Bride & Kisses

Well, my job was not over.  Zavie and David asked one of our friends and probably one of the holiest, humble pastors we knew to perform their marriage.  It was Father Jim Pinto an unusual Spirit filled Episcopal Priest.  As we approached the altar we all needed a moment to ponder what had happened in that aisle. He asked me who gives this bride and I said her mother and I.  Here comes round two waive of anointing.  The priest in rehearsal the night before said I was to give him her hand instead of giving her hand directly to the groom.  He explained that we were giving her back to God (his representative) and then God would put her hand in the grooms hand and the charge of duty to the husband.  The transfer of authority and protection was about to take place.  Powerful, so powerful.  When I handed her hand to the priest I went back to the crib where I was charged with the responsibility to protect and provide for this baby assigned to me as a gift from heaven.  I was to be the steward over this gift and now I was giving her back to God.  At the ancient altar several things happened; sacrifice…. atonement…..healing….restoration and so much more.  It was if I saw Abraham preparing to sacrifice Isaac; I was being summoned to this divine court to surrender and sacrifice this gift at the altar and give her; literally give her back to the Lord. 

Father & Bride - Capitol Reception

Before I placed her hand in the hand of the priest representing the hand of God, I had one final duty; I needed to unveil her.  As I gently and carefully began to unveil her all of these biblical typologies were rushing through my soul.  When the Ark of the Covenant rested in the tabernacle and in the temple, it was behind the veil; when the veil was opened you were in the presence of Almighty God.  It was my job to unveil her and place her in the presence of God so HE could take this gift and properly bless and discharge the transfer of duties.  Also I was unveiling her to her groom; as if to say with my actions you can now look upon her; I am giving all of her to you with my blessings.  Oh this is so powerful.  So during my final kiss on the cheek of this angel I sealed my love as if to say farewell.  God is so awesome; HE really is.  I turned around and I placed her beautiful innocent soft hand into the hand of God at the altar of sacrifice.  It was so right.

The Giles Family

I just felt I needed to share with you what happened to me through the eyes of the father of the bride.  I was forever marked by this profound and ordained moment.